3 WORDS

Our psychological state allows us to see only what we want/need/feel to see at a particular time. What are the first three words that you see?

Read more: http://pilosopogyno.tumblr.com/page/10#ixzz2P0ybb000

SUICIDE. LEAVE. PASSION

- Were the first 3 words that I saw.. It says that the words we see are the ones that we WANT, NEED, or FEEL. haha! I don't know what it really mean but I guess this 'psychological' things is true. Indeed, I WANT to commit SUICIDE, I WANT to LEAVE, and I FEEL PASSION. :) 

SUICIDE. With my state right now and with all these complicated things bothering me, I can say that I am so close to giving up. I know I've been strong enough and I've gone too far and maybe I can't hold on any longer.. but then I asked myself what's the point of committing suicide when there is more to life? One of my close friend even said "Only bitches do that." and YES hahaha only bitches do! and I guess that'll make me a BITCH if I do it. =)))))) but NO :) Do the people around me really think I could do it? ha! I can't even cut myself then how in the world can I kill myself? LOL. These past few days have been depressing for me yet I got a time for myself to think. I've realized a lot of things, and one of those are: I NEED TO BE STRONGER AND BRAVER :)

LEAVE. Leaving had been one of my options ever since. The thought of running away crossed my mind a lot of times but I never did it. Why? Because I may be scared at times but I'm not that coward to just runaway from life's challenges. No matter what challenges life gives us, we must be brave and strong enough to face it. We may fall a lot of times but we must know when to get back up. 

PASSION. According to Wikipedia, "Passion is a term applied to a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for something." PASSION FOR THE ONE I LOVE? hahahaha! I don't know if there's a connection or relevance but that's the first thing that popped into my mind when I read the meaning of "Passion" :) So, okay I have a PASSION for someone. It sound kind of weird and creepy but it's like I LOVE SOMEONE. haha! That was one of the reasons why I'm such a mess these past few weeks. I love someone and we broke up. There's like 98% of chance that we're not getting back together anymore but I still hold on to that 2%. Stupid right? Well, that's just me. I don't give up on things that I can't afford to lose :) I just hope that that PASSION gets me into something good. :) 

PAGIBIG-LOVE

Ang pag-ibig nga nama’y sadyang napaka-galing.
Dahil iisa ka parin sa puso’t isipan ko kahit na ako’y maging duling.
Dahil kahit maging dalawa ang puso ko, dalawang beses kitang mamahalin.
Dahil nga naman sa pag-ibig… at ikaw ang aking salarin.

Kahit ‘di man tayo itinakda para sa isa’t isa, akin ay ipipilit.
Dahil ang mga kaya kong gawin para sa’yo… ay walang limit.
‘Di ko man kayang magpalakad ng pilay, pero ang nakakalakad ay kaya kong pilayin.
Pero kahit ‘di ka man patay, pangako ko sa magulang mo na kaya kitang buhayin.

Kung masama ang mahalin ka, edi sana hinuli na ako ng mga kagawad.
Kung masama ang mahalin ka, edi hihingi nalang ako ng tawad.
Masisigurado kong ang pag-iwan ko sa’yo ay ‘di maaari.
Pero kapag ako’y iniwan mo, sinta, ako’y magpapari.

Read more: http://pilosopogyno.tumblr.com/page/2#ixzz2P0lkhmJR

(c) PILOSOPGYNO

03.16.13

It kills me not seeing you. It's even sadder cause I can't do anything about it. I've done enough effort to talk to you but you won't let me. It seems like you don't miss me at all. It's hard for me to deal with this because I have no idea why things turned out this way. I wanna hug you, talk to you, hold your hand, kiss you, and just be with you. I want to be beside you right now. I also want to give you endless hugs to assure that things would be okay between us. I couldn't bear it not seeing you. I put aside my pride cause I can’t handle it anymore. I didn't care if you wouldn't reply, at least you knew what’s inside my head. It just makes me feel bad and down because I don’t know what to do to fix things up. Please don’t think that I don’t care because I do, please don't think that I don't love you anymore because I do and I always will like what I promised you. You know how much I don't want things to be this way. I hate how fucked up my feelings are right now. Please don't make it hard for the both of us.

Worse than sad.

Maybe I'm a little sad. Sometimes, it's too hard to smile. Sometimes, there's nothing to smile about. What do you do when everyone is moving and you just can't? I'm stuck. I don't know what to do. I  never know what to do. Sometimes, it's just easier to hide under my covers and ignore everyone. You know, sometimes I even ignore myself. Did you know it was possible? Because it is. It's one of my talents. Ignoring myself. Maybe I'm a little worse than just 'sad.'

Words left unsaid.

I'm not the girl I used to be. I admit, a lot of shit got to me. Pain does make people change.

Sorry, if I'm like this.
Sorry, for being a mess.
Sorry, for being maarte.
Sorry, for being madrama.
Sorry, for being such a problem to you.
Sorry, for having a girlfriend who overthinks too much.
Sorry, for loving someone who's emotionally unstable.

I need someone who I could vent and whine about how complicated my life is and I thought it's gonna be you--from all the people I know who would care. I guess I was wrong. Maybe I just expected too much from you. Maybe you don't really care at all. I guess it was my mistake for depending so much on you. Just please be considerate of what I might feel. I'm only human. I don't have to have it all together every minute of every day. I've got a lot of shit going through inside me--inside my head.

...I NEED YOU.

PAIN. CHANGE. SMILE.

Everything was piling up and things began to get worse. Home life’s a wreck, shit time at school, relationship problems, devastating academic performance that made me feel like I’m not good enough and many more. It tore me to tinier pieces. All the pain pushed me to my limits and made me hurt myself. I was on the point of leaving this reality. No kidding. I couldn’t smile, I was crying all the time & even in school. I was just that hopeless. That also explains my unusual behavior lately.  I cried not because of someone but because I realized how messed up I am and how complicated my situation is. It feels so good to tell some of my friends a part of my situation but something inside told me not to tell everything. So yes, you’re just the one who knows the whole story.

Never knew that it’d come to this. Pain does make people change and make them do things they said they wouldn’t do. Nothing to hold on to since the ones that should be protecting me are the reason why I’m getting messed up even more. And now, it’s like all my efforts went to waste. One more failure and I just might do everything I’m not supposed to do. I can’t stand one more failure. I don’t wanna feel like I’m not good enough. I’ve felt so much pain already. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. So damaged. Shattered. Destroyed. I can’t explain how hurt I am with every single thing.

All my thoughts can’t be put to words. It stays on my mind until they are left unsaid. I’ve always been quiet but now, it seems like I automatically pipe down each day. Everything’s beginning to become useless to me. It’s like everything’s meaningless already. All the things that used to catch my attention now bore me. I prefer being alone. When it’s quiet, everything vanishes and I like it that way. Both happy and unwanted thoughts pop into my head when I’m calmed down. I actually can’t feel anything anymore. Haha. I don’t get happy and sad with the things around me. I think I’ve become numb and to be honest, I prefer it that way.

I’m losing hope in myself already. I’m so frustrated with myself.No matter how hard it is. I will be happy even when nothing’s going right anymore. I’ve been pretending all my life, I won’t give up now.

Smile. Heads up!

March 14, 2013
Just because I laugh a lot, doesn't mean my life is easy. Just because I have a smile on my face everyday, doesn't mean that something is not bothering me. It's just that I chose to move on with the negative in my life, and keep my head up, instead of dwelling on the bad things.

03.13.13

Once you get everything straightened out and you begin to enjoy life, something happens. It happens because there has to be some kind of events that hits you in the face and make you realize it's not all gonna come that easy. You have to work at your love and dry your tears. Friends will come and go and guess what, there will be others. Not every relationship will be enchanting and perfect and if it's meant to be, it'll always find its way.

MOTIVATION.

"When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too."

(c) tumblr.

"isipin mo kung saan ka nagsimula and pano ka nakarating sa stage na yan. then you'll know how to get up"

"i know it's not easy pero when it comes to success eh there's no easy way"

"then prove them wrong ty. don't work hard to please them. work hard to earn your respect. it's CONFIDENCE ty"

"tiwala yan ty. you have the skills. you have to work double time be patient ty"

- RY. 

NEVER BACK DOWN. TIWALA. PUSO LANG. GIVE YOUR ALL. DO YOUR BEST. 

TIRED.

"I'm tired of trying to hold things that cannot be held.

Trying to control what cannot be controlled.

I am tired of denying myself what I want

for fear of breaking things I cannot fix.

They will break no matter what we do."