That Night

05.25.13

10:38pm

I'm having THAT night where I just sit and wonder about everything that ever happened. The good and the bad. I'm having flashbacks about the people that meant so much to me. I wonder about the things they've ever said and done. IT FEELS SO GOOD, AND HURTS SO BAD ALL AT ONCE.

Looking For Alaska

Looking for Alaska a novel by John Green.

“The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

“Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia. (...) You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.” 
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

“What you must understand about me is that I’m a deeply unhappy person.” 
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

“At some point, you just pull off the Band-Aid, and it hurts, but then it's over and you're relieved.” 
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

“That didn’t happen, of course. Things never happened the way I imagined them.” 
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

:-) SMILE! 

- https://twitter.com/TyDejon

I deserve to smile

04.06.13

@ UP Diliman.

(c) Jossine Manalo.

3 WORDS

Our psychological state allows us to see only what we want/need/feel to see at a particular time. What are the first three words that you see?

Read more: http://pilosopogyno.tumblr.com/page/10#ixzz2P0ybb000

SUICIDE. LEAVE. PASSION

- Were the first 3 words that I saw.. It says that the words we see are the ones that we WANT, NEED, or FEEL. haha! I don't know what it really mean but I guess this 'psychological' things is true. Indeed, I WANT to commit SUICIDE, I WANT to LEAVE, and I FEEL PASSION. :) 

SUICIDE. With my state right now and with all these complicated things bothering me, I can say that I am so close to giving up. I know I've been strong enough and I've gone too far and maybe I can't hold on any longer.. but then I asked myself what's the point of committing suicide when there is more to life? One of my close friend even said "Only bitches do that." and YES hahaha only bitches do! and I guess that'll make me a BITCH if I do it. =)))))) but NO :) Do the people around me really think I could do it? ha! I can't even cut myself then how in the world can I kill myself? LOL. These past few days have been depressing for me yet I got a time for myself to think. I've realized a lot of things, and one of those are: I NEED TO BE STRONGER AND BRAVER :)

LEAVE. Leaving had been one of my options ever since. The thought of running away crossed my mind a lot of times but I never did it. Why? Because I may be scared at times but I'm not that coward to just runaway from life's challenges. No matter what challenges life gives us, we must be brave and strong enough to face it. We may fall a lot of times but we must know when to get back up. 

PASSION. According to Wikipedia, "Passion is a term applied to a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for something." PASSION FOR THE ONE I LOVE? hahahaha! I don't know if there's a connection or relevance but that's the first thing that popped into my mind when I read the meaning of "Passion" :) So, okay I have a PASSION for someone. It sound kind of weird and creepy but it's like I LOVE SOMEONE. haha! That was one of the reasons why I'm such a mess these past few weeks. I love someone and we broke up. There's like 98% of chance that we're not getting back together anymore but I still hold on to that 2%. Stupid right? Well, that's just me. I don't give up on things that I can't afford to lose :) I just hope that that PASSION gets me into something good. :) 

PAGIBIG-LOVE

Ang pag-ibig nga nama’y sadyang napaka-galing.
Dahil iisa ka parin sa puso’t isipan ko kahit na ako’y maging duling.
Dahil kahit maging dalawa ang puso ko, dalawang beses kitang mamahalin.
Dahil nga naman sa pag-ibig… at ikaw ang aking salarin.

Kahit ‘di man tayo itinakda para sa isa’t isa, akin ay ipipilit.
Dahil ang mga kaya kong gawin para sa’yo… ay walang limit.
‘Di ko man kayang magpalakad ng pilay, pero ang nakakalakad ay kaya kong pilayin.
Pero kahit ‘di ka man patay, pangako ko sa magulang mo na kaya kitang buhayin.

Kung masama ang mahalin ka, edi sana hinuli na ako ng mga kagawad.
Kung masama ang mahalin ka, edi hihingi nalang ako ng tawad.
Masisigurado kong ang pag-iwan ko sa’yo ay ‘di maaari.
Pero kapag ako’y iniwan mo, sinta, ako’y magpapari.

Read more: http://pilosopogyno.tumblr.com/page/2#ixzz2P0lkhmJR

(c) PILOSOPGYNO

03.16.13

It kills me not seeing you. It's even sadder cause I can't do anything about it. I've done enough effort to talk to you but you won't let me. It seems like you don't miss me at all. It's hard for me to deal with this because I have no idea why things turned out this way. I wanna hug you, talk to you, hold your hand, kiss you, and just be with you. I want to be beside you right now. I also want to give you endless hugs to assure that things would be okay between us. I couldn't bear it not seeing you. I put aside my pride cause I can’t handle it anymore. I didn't care if you wouldn't reply, at least you knew what’s inside my head. It just makes me feel bad and down because I don’t know what to do to fix things up. Please don’t think that I don’t care because I do, please don't think that I don't love you anymore because I do and I always will like what I promised you. You know how much I don't want things to be this way. I hate how fucked up my feelings are right now. Please don't make it hard for the both of us.

Worse than sad.

Maybe I'm a little sad. Sometimes, it's too hard to smile. Sometimes, there's nothing to smile about. What do you do when everyone is moving and you just can't? I'm stuck. I don't know what to do. I  never know what to do. Sometimes, it's just easier to hide under my covers and ignore everyone. You know, sometimes I even ignore myself. Did you know it was possible? Because it is. It's one of my talents. Ignoring myself. Maybe I'm a little worse than just 'sad.'