Unexpressed thoughts

I have a million of thoughts I can't express, thousands of things to say--scream, rather--but I keep silent.

Why bother? 
No one is listening.

You left

You planted roses in my heart, 

daisies in my mind, 

lillies in my eyes

and left them all to die.

BY UNKNOWN

“1. There will be several days that you daydream about stepping in front of a city bus. Don’t. It will not be beautiful. It will not be brave. It will be selfish. It will be broken. Your mother will cry.

2. Don’t write for him. Write for you. Write for others like you. Write so the girl that thinks about stepping in front of public transportation doesn’t. Don’t be selfish.

3. When you will yourself to sleep and it doesn’t come- get up. It doesn’t matter that it’s 3 am. There will be other 3 am’s. Take a shower. Take two. Wash him out of your hair. Write a poem. Read the same book you’ve read 202 times again. The 203rd time might tell you something different. Don’t stay in bed- you will think about the bus again.

4. Don’t kiss him because he’s broken. Don’t kiss him because his laughter never reaches his eyes. Don’t try and fix him. Fix yourself first. Be selfish. He can’t save you.

5. Date yourself. Take yourself out to eat. Don’t share your popcorn at the movies with anyone. Stroll around an art museum alone. Fall in love with canvases. Fall in love with yourself.

6. Dress up and wear red lipstick and get drunk with your friends. They’re the ones that will pick you up. Don’t kiss him. Or him. Don’t fall asleep on strange couches with strange boys. When his hand slides up your dress walk away. Hit him. Don’t kiss him. He can’t save you.

7. Get another tattoo. Get five more. Get another hole in your ear. Don’t listen to your dad. You will still be able to get a job. Did you really want to be employed by someone like your father? Haven’t you had enough of judgmental old white men anyway? Get fuck you tattooed in tiny letters on your hip.

8. When you feel the yearning for a new city- start over. Take 200 bucks and a three suitcases. Work anywhere that will have you. Meet strange people and forget your name. Call yourself Ruby. No one will know the difference. Remember to call your mother. Don’t be selfish. Come home when you find yourself in the strangers and the small one bedroom apartment.

9. Don’t whisper evil things into your own ear. Other people are going to shout them at you. Be your own hero. Keep a sword on your key ring.

10. Don’t step in front of a city bus. It will not be beautiful. Live. Stay up all night with a boy that promises you everything and means it. Live. See shitty local bands with a friend. Wear a different band’s t-shirt. No one will care. Live. Have a baby girl with tiny fingers and tiny toes someday. Pour love into her until it’s overflowing. Live. Wake up. Staying in bed all day is not poetic.

Live. Live.

Live.

Do you hear that? It’s me. It’s your life. Wake up.

”

(c) tumblr 

Take a Chance

If you're the kind of person who likes to stay on the safer side of things, you might not think that there are many reasons to take a chance. I used to think this way until I realized that I couldn't live my entire life without taking any risks. Over time, you'll realize that there are many important reasons to take a chance and become more comfortable with the idea of it. To get you started, here is my list of why I like to take chances. 

1. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN

One of the more obvious reasons to take a chance is that the outcome is always a surprise. Although there is a chance that taking a risk can end badly, you'll never know if there could have been some really great outcomes too! And I don't know about you, but the constant question of "what could have happened?" always nags at me if I don't take the chance.

2. YOU'LL REGRET IT IF YOU DON'T

Speaking of nagging, have you ever missed out on taking a chance and experienced that nagging feeling of regret? I know I have felt this unpleasant pang of regret one too many times. Although it can be comforting to take the safe side once in a while, I always end up regretting not finding out what could have happened. The feeling is not one that I find pleasant, so I like to take all of the chances that come my way. This way, I know that even if the situation ends badly, I found out what could have happened.

3. YOU ONLY GET ONE LIFE TO LIVE

We only get this one life to live so why not live it up, right? It is scary to think about the bad things that might come from you taking a chance but, sometimes, it is even scarier to think about living your life without taking chances or risks. Even though you don't have to take every risk that comes your way, taking a few risks here and there is healthy! But always be sure that taking the chance is right for you!

4. YOU'LL NEVER GET ANYWHERE WITHOUT IT

Life is all about taking chances. And you won't get far in life without taking them. When you were little, you didn't have to get up on that bike and start peddling, but you did. This simple example can be applied to every other aspect in life! Whether you are taking a chance at love, a career, or another life choice, you can either choose to take a chance at it or stay back in the outfield. But remember that if you stay in the outfield forever, you'll never get up to bat. And that's always the best part!

5. CONQUER YOUR FEARS

If you're afraid of taking chances, believe me, you are not alone! I have been scared of taking risks all of my life. However, everyone needs to learn that being afraid of taking chances is a fear that you need to overcome. You can't live your whole life being scared of the unknown. So when you're ready, go take that chance that you've been dying to take. I promise you that it will be worth it!

6. LEARN FROM THEM

Taking chances is something that is easy to learn from. You can learn if you are comfortable with the chance you took or discover that you want to play it safe the next time an opportunity rolls around. You can also learn when it is the right time to take chances. Knowledge comes from experience. And the way to gain experience is through taking chances!

7. GET YOUR FILL

In everyone's life there comes a time where you want to take chances. However, depending on the situations, this can become dangerous. Staggering the amount of chances you take will help you get your fill of risk and stay safe at the same time. Taking chances is healthy to a point, so take risks but stay as safe as possible at the same time! 

UGH SCHOOL

Nowhere near ready for 3rd year

Reasons why I’m being anxious about school:

• I might not get along with my classmates. I might be friendless. I have a hard time talking to strangers first and they might get the impression that I’m being a snob.
• Horror teachers. What if my works don’t meet their expectations? 
• I hate having to introduce myself over and over again and I hate reciting. My chest tightens when I recite and the words come out all wrong. I sound like shit when I talk. 
• Reporting. I’m really afraid to talk in front of a large crowd. Especially when their eyes and ears are all on me. I can’t speak properly and I can’t make an eye contact with the audience.
• I don’t think I can keep up with the lessons. I just don’t know.. Thinking of the subjects really makes me feel like I won’t be able to pass them. 
• I get uncomfortable when I interact. I don’t know how to be bubbly and exciting. 
• I have a hard time focusing especially if the teacher’s having a lecture. I always day dream. 
• My attention span and memorization skills suck bigtime. I get distracted way too easily.

My head’s completely being taken over by these crap. Fuck. I’m not ready for school yet.

That Night

05.25.13

10:38pm

I'm having THAT night where I just sit and wonder about everything that ever happened. The good and the bad. I'm having flashbacks about the people that meant so much to me. I wonder about the things they've ever said and done. IT FEELS SO GOOD, AND HURTS SO BAD ALL AT ONCE.

Looking For Alaska

Looking for Alaska a novel by John Green.

“The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

“Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia. (...) You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.” 
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

“What you must understand about me is that I’m a deeply unhappy person.” 
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

“At some point, you just pull off the Band-Aid, and it hurts, but then it's over and you're relieved.” 
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

“That didn’t happen, of course. Things never happened the way I imagined them.” 
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

:-) SMILE! 

- https://twitter.com/TyDejon